It’s fall again and for the second year in a row, I haven’t gardened. As it’s now fall, I, again, am regretting it. :) I regretted it last fall when I had nothing going in my pantry. Being in the midst of a deep, dark depression, I just didn’t have it in me to do anything. As we face winter, I have nothing set aside. My canning jars are empty. My freezer, empty. It’s an odd feeling after so many years of seeing my canning shelves lined with beautiful quart and pint jars filled with an array of colors and tasty foods. All I see is empty jars and it feels like a metaphor for how my heart has felt for a while now.
I lost my desire to garden a few years ago when we reduced my garden from 2700 sq. ft to a 3rd the size. Then I had a horrible insect infestation and my crop was discouraging. Couple that with personal issues that were weighing on me and I just gave up. What once had filled me with so much joy and pride, now made me feel tired and uninspired. I didn’t love it anymore. My heart broke in two when we finally had to tear down my greenhouse. A bad storm had destroyed it, so we dismantled it, recycled the metal, and I walked away from my garden space in tears. I closed the door to gardening and all that had made me happy in order to work on healing my heart.
So, it’s fall. I have a tree full of peaches and I am willing myself to deal with them. I know I will be happy I did something with them, rather than let them rot. I’ve given quite a few away and I have some that are too ripe for anything but puree. I think I might pull out the old canner and set myself up on the patio with my canning stove and can a few jars of peaches. I think it will lift my spirits and give me some pride that I put aside SOMETHING. :)